10 Things Women Should Do On A First Date

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My Father says that dating is practicing for divorce… Who wants that? Lauren was able to be very empathetic and compassionate and gracious and not demanding while the gospel did its work of healing and repairing the broken parts of me. Ahh… the thrill of dating. Since becoming a single mom, her passion to minister to this group has led her to encourage successful single mom living through on Facebook.

But I guess God will bring along the right person for me who will accept me for me, if I date or not. Do you send a text message immediately to gauge the situation or set up a second date? Be yourself, but don't expose anything too out there.

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It had been a while since I had commingled on a deeper level with other single Christians outside of work and general church service. Life groups eat together, talk about real life issues, and get involved in each others messy lives. I was excited to venture out again in establishing some great new friendships. Normally life groups are made up of 5-25 people. The first night saw less than ten new participants with an uneven ratio of men to women. Our third meeting was the most interesting thus far. Being a very casual event we waited a little after the start time in hopes a few more people would arrive. Ten minutes later we prayed, grabbed some food, and all finally took our seats. That night I would be the only guy to show up. I have two sisters, two daughters, three nieces, and five great nieces. And now, a group of incredibility smart single woman who all looked like they had a lot on their hearts and mind. The conversation swung around to dating. It was a good way to settle inside myself what and if I wanted something more substantial with respect to relationships and marriage. I had the opportunity to meet and talk to many different types of women both in personality and beliefs. When dating, I learned early on that I needed to better prepare and intently listen if I wanted to truly appreciate the conversation and evaluate the potential of the date. To help propel the preparation I developed a list of basic questions. These questions were progressive in nature and were freely integrated into the conversation where appropriate. Today, that list exceeds 200. That evening I blurted out I had a list. Sure enough, there were tons of questions about the questions. I explained there were obvious questions which are normally asked on a first date that some answer favorably. Failure to uncover things within the first few dates can get some singles in trouble with establishing boundaries as things progress. The lack of good boundaries allows false trust to enter. Subsequently bad behavior may be overlooked leaving the heart exposed, crippling the ability to easily walk away. You need to ask good questions in order to discover the person in front of you before your hearts starts to lean toward or fall for them. I mention some of these tips in my article. Second, these questions are progressive in nature and are always done in person. There are first date questions and ones after. Third, sometimes questions can come across as expectations by the way they are phrased. While in reality some are the focus should be on non-negotiable responses. Finally, be prepared to test things. If they seem offended or taken back by your questions, this could also be a sign of how they resolve conflict. These questions are to be introduced into common conversation. Who is your best friend? It is uncommon for men to have deep emotional friendships with other men. What you are looking for is the emotional and intellectual depth that aligns with yours. Also, that they have people involved in their life. Tell me about your family growing up? What you are looking for here are the things you are comfortable with that coincide with your history. This is a great way to get them talking. Remember to simply listen and respond with kind banter. You can also determine their position in leadership. Do they like to lead a relationship or are they a follower? This will also reveal their general mindset and expectations. If they speak of things that are unrealistic, and the relationship moves forward, you may have to deal with unrealistic expectations. This is a great place to ask good follow-up questions. Tell me about your beliefs? This is also where you will find out HOW Christian they are. Do you believe in abstinence before marriage? All of these things are revealed with this question. Spiritually speaking, you are always looking for someone who is at the same level or who has greater maturity. Have you ever had your heart broken? It should be asked at the correct time when past relationships naturally enter the conversation. We have all had our hearts broken one time or another. So the answer, unless you are 16, should be yes. Special attention to words is necessary during this part of the conversation. What should be closely observed is the direction they take and if it turns negative. If you are observant, this question will reveal if their heart is tied to the past. At the end of the day, if it is raining out and I choose to go outside without an umbrella, I am going to get wet. I can choose to take responsibility for not bringing the umbrella, or blame the rain. Most will blame the rain. Repetitive Broken Hearts Finally, if you have someone in front of you who has had their heart broken many times, this may be a red flag. As you closely observe you may find that they have an issue with guarding their heart and emotional judgement in dating. These are the people who easily fall in and out of love multiple times. They find themselves the victims rather than victorious in singleness. Having a simple set of questions allows you to start to get a clearer picture of the person in front of you. You will want to continue to ask good questions around who they are and how they do life. This also means that you must ask yourself the same questions. Any date that has answered these questions for me almost always ask for my answer. If you decide to move forward with a second date, you can start to ask some self-reflection questions to test each interaction. People can sense if you are more concerned about the destination of relationship and marriage than you are about knowing who they truly are. Asking great questions allows you to do both. They enable you to see things clearly while plotting a course for the future. They look at the past with fondness. This is your opportunity to create those great memories with someone. Happy dating… Photo George Lamelza is the chief publishing officer of Single Christianity Magazine. He also served for five years as a divorce recovery program facilitator at James River Church, a mega-church of over 12,000, seeing hundreds heal from past hurts. Lamelza volunteers his time with various charitable organizations including the Orlando Sports Foundation, AutoNation CureBowl, and Christian Media Ministries, Inc. Lamelza is passionate about helping Christian singles live their daily life full of hope and joy. He is a single father of two beautiful daughters and resides in Orlando, Florida and Springfield, Missouri.

Yes, you do want to show her that you're attracted so you don't end up in the friend zone. Asking great questions allows you to do both. People can sense if you are more servile about the destination of relationship and marriage than you are about knowing who they truly are. If you have already gone too far, why stop. SHE SAID: Ah yes. When dating, I learned early on that I needed to better prepare and intently listen if I north to truly appreciate the conversation and evaluate the potential of the date. It is uncommon for men to have deep emotional friendships with other men. Yet God has more in store for you than just jumping from one relationship to another. Finally, be prepared to test things.